the 8 types of love as books
book recommendations for different kinds of love
As soon as February appears, so do the swathes of red and pink, the teddy-bears and the heart-shaped chocolates, shortbreads, cookies, cakes, pizzas and….just about anything that can be moulded into the shape of a heart, really.
When I’ve got my pessimistic (read: logical) cap on, I recognise that Valentine’s Day is just another capitalistic holiday designed to get people to dig deep into their pockets, as if they didn’t just spend most of their money on Christmas 6 weeks ago. But as a lover of all things pink, cute and heart-shaped, I have a particular soft spot for the aesthetic of Valentine’s Day. I also, admittedly, do like the sentiment behind it; in our busy, chaotic lives, it is important to take the time to appreciate and celebrate the ones you love, no matter the version of ‘love’ that exists between you.
When I recently read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, a novel which contains many allusions to Greek classical myths, I ended up down a rabbit hole of researching Greek myths, eventually stumbling onto how the ancient Greeks defined love.
In their conceptualisation of love, there is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach. According to the ancient Greeks, there are 8 distinct types of love, all of which capture different facets of human connection and affection. As I am wont to do, I immediately started to consider how these definitions of love could be applied to books that I’ve read.
The result of that was this list - book recommendations for the 8 different kinds of love, as defined by the ancient Greeks, (just in time for Valentine’s Day!):
Named after the Greek god of love and desire, Eros represents passionate, romantic love. It’s the intense physical attraction and longing, often viewed as the "spark" in relationships.
Mrs. S - K. Patrick
A slow-burn, sensual, and atmospheric novel in which the matron of an all-girls boarding school becomes infatuated with the headmaster’s wife. With poetic and claustrophobic writing, the novel explores the many facets of desire: queer desire, desire to be understood, desire to connect, and the desire for a young woman to define her own identity.
Little Rabbit - Alyssa Songsiridej
An aspiring writer living in Boston becomes entangled with an older man, a wealthy dance choreographer. It’s a new kind of coming-of-age story, following an unnamed narrator at the start of her thirties as she attempts to figure herself out, while simultaneously losing herself to her desires. The tagline is ‘does falling in love mean eviscerating yourself?’, and that sums it up perfectly.
Philia is the love between friends, characterised by deep connection, trust, and companionship. It’s marked by loyalty and mutual respect, creating a stable and fulfilling bond.
Beautiful World, Where Are You - Sally Rooney
This book follows 4 main characters and the relationships they have with one another, with the friendship between Alice and Eileen taking centre stage. It’s a novel which emphasises the importance of human connection and the value of relationships with our loved ones. With all the good, the bad, and the ugly in the world, at the end of the day all we have is people, which feels like the main takeaway from the novel. The relationships we have with each other are what makes the world beautiful.
Everything I Know About Love - Dolly Alderton
A heartfelt and funny memoir full of vignettes about growing up and getting wiser. It’s a refreshingly honest account of Alderton’s journey through her twenties, a period of trials and tribulations which many will find relatability in. Along with reflections on navigating love and loss, at its core it’s a moving love letter to the power of female friendship.
Ludus is a lighthearted, playful love that embodies flirtation and the excitement of a new romance. It’s carefree and fun, and can also refer to the playful affection between friends and between children.
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow - Gabrielle Zevin
This book isn’t a romance - but it is a love story. It follows Sam and Sadie, two childhood friends who reunite during college and begin to design video games together. The novel follows them throughout the years as they experience success and failure, love and heartbreak, grief, and all the general ups and down of life. It’s about creative journeys and what it means to create art / collaborate with someone else, the relationships we form throughout life, how we relate to people, the importance of play, and probably most of all, friendship.
The Flatshare - Beth O’Leary
A contemporary romance novel about two strangers who share a flat but never meet, as Tiffy has the flat during the night and Leon has it during the day. Though it is a romance book, the novel still explores some darker themes around healing from abuse and family trauma, but the relationship between the two protagonist’s is very sweet and playful, particularly with how they originally get to know one another through writing post-it notes.
Agape is often seen as the purest form of love. It’s the compassionate, altruistic love for others, regardless of circumstances, often associated with spiritual or divine love.
Orbital - Samantha Harvey
Orbital follows a crew of six astronauts as they orbit the earth from the International Space Station. While reporting on the earth from above, tracing storms and watching the sun set and rise again, each character reflects on their own pasts and the lives awaiting them. It’s set in space but it’s really a novel about the earth. It’s a beautiful, reflective meditation of humanity, and a love letter to our planet and all its inhabitants.
Modern Love - edited by Daniel Jones
An anthology all about people’s experiences with love, adapted from the Modern Love column in The New York Times. As the title suggests, the book is full of tales of modern love - romantic love, the love we have for our families, the love between a parent and a child - and all the good and the bad that can be found in between. It was touching, heart-wrenching, life affirming, and overall, just incredibly human. This would be a great starter if you’re just getting into nonfiction.
Pragma is a mature, practical love that develops over time, often in long-term relationships and friendships. It’s based on commitment, compromise, and deep understanding,
The Neapolitan Quartet - Elena Ferrante
The Neapolitan Quartet is made up of four novels which follows the complex and lifelong friendship between Elena and Lila, set in a working class neighbourhood in Naples. Through the lens of their friendship, Ferrante examines themes of social class, identity, power, and the struggles of women to navigate a patriarchal society. It’s one of the most incredible series I’ve ever read, I can’t wait to re-read it over and over in the future.
Just Kids - Patti Smith
A memoir which chronicles the lifelong relationship between Patti Smith and the late photographer Robert Mapplethorpe, following their journey to becoming artists in 1960s/70s New York. With her lyrical prose, Smith perfectly encapsulates life in New York during this era, each page tinted with nostalgia and grit. It’s a love story in every sense: a love story about their friendship, about the sacrifices we make for art, and about New York City itself.
Philautia is love directed towards oneself, and it has two sides: one positive and one negative. Positive self-love is essential for well-being, as it promotes self-respect and confidence.
Piglet - Lottie Hazell
A propulsive debut novel following a woman who, after her husband-to-be reveals a shocking betrayal 2 weeks before their wedding, is forced on a journey of hungry self-revelation. It’s a tale of simmering female rage, delving into the life of a woman torn between the things she wants in life and the things she thinks she wants, and her journey towards self-love and acceptance.
Sorrow and Bliss - Meg Mason
Martha has just turned 40 and her recent separation from her husband spurs her on to detail how she ended up at this current point, her story largely orbiting around her mental health struggles that began when she was a teenager. Through the complexities of Martha’s character, Mason is able to convey the pure reality and destruction of mental illness, the importance of correct diagnosis, and how mental illness can tear through an entire family. Sorrow and Bliss contains a tender love story, but it’s also a tale of a woman breaking free from labels, realising that mental illness is only a part of who you are, not who you are.
Storge is the love that develops naturally, especially between parents and children. Storge is instinctual, protective, and grounded in familiarity. It’s a deep, caring love that comes from long-term bonds and shared experiences.
Crying in H Mart - Michelle Zauner
A raw and beautiful memoir about family, grief, culture, identity, and food. Zauner details her experience of navigating her Korean identity and her difficult relationship with her mother with such frankness. Through intimate anecdotes, we follow Zauner’s adolescence in Oregon, her months spent in Seoul, her move to the East Coast for college and creation of her band Japanese Breakfast. But the thread running throughout is her relationship with her mother, a thread that is severed when her mother passes away from terminal pancreatic cancer, causing Zauner to reclaim the aspects of her Korean identity and heritage she thought she had lost.
Foster - Claire Keegan
Though a short novel (barely 100 pages), Foster contains as much heart and depth as a novel 4 times its length. Set on a farm in rural Ireland, the story follows a child who is taken to live with distant relatives, not knowing if she’ll return home. With beautiful and masterfully-crafted prose, Keegan tells the story of a young girl realising what a safe family home should be like, and what it means to be loved.
Mania is an intense, often possessive love that can become all-consuming and unhealthy. Rooted in insecurity and fear of loss, it can lead to jealousy, obsession, and potentially harmful relationships.
My Husband - Maud Ventura
Translated from French, this novel follows a woman who spends her days obsessing over her husband. Living under the façade of a perfect marriage and home life, the narrator examines every detail of her husband’s behaviour to the point of neuroticism. As her obsession spirals out of control, the line between devotion and madness begins to blur.
Wuthering Heights - Emily Brontë
This gothic classic is a tale of passion, revenge, and obsession set on the Yorkshire moors, following the relationship between Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff, an orphan taken in by her family. When Catherine chooses to marry another man for social status, Heathcliff vows to get revenge on those who kept him away from his soulmate.
the loveliest list<3
There is a movie adaptation of the book “Foster”. It’s called “The Quiet Girl”, it’s slow and sweet and heartbreaking, and they speak Gaelic. Would highly recommend.